apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
