if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
