fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
What drink are we having for lunch?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
