its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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