if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
