From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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