...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
