Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
