ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
