so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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