He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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