Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
