So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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