my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
