I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
