Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
