things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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