So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The Olympian is in my bed
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