OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
