he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
