i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
