What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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