I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
