No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
