He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
