Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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