smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
