I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
