I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
