Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
