Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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