it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
