there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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