I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Michael Bay diarrhea
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
