Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You can't special order awesome
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
