She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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