I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
