i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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