butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
