I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
