I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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