Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
