Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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