A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
