i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Dignity is for republicans.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
