WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
