Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
