Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
