I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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