Your face is a jimmy john
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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