I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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