it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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