Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
