awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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